In this last section (3:18-4:18, today we only look at 3:18-25), Paul turned to practical interpersonal relations that should flow from a believer’s position in Christ. First, he exhorted each member in human families to perfect (mature in) their private life (wives, husbands, children, fathers, slaves, masters; 3:18–4:1). He then reminded believers to perfect their prayer lives (4:2–4) and their public lives (4:5–6). Then, he shared his concern for perfecting the personal lives of all the Colossian believers (4:7–18).
In accordance with the theme of Colossians, which is maturity in Christ (1:28), Paul exhorted believers to become mature in their private home relationships. Based on the kind of Christian life to which believers are called, Paul gives some practical guidance. General applications like “be good” or “love everybody” are difficult to put into practice, so Paul seeks to apply moral truths to the daily lives of the Colossians (cf. Eph 5:21-6:9). The Colossian home usually consisted of father, mother, children, and servants.[1] Paul gives instructions to each group.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Genuine spiritual living is bringing relationships into compliance with the example of Christ.
- Love is meeting the needs of others regardless of the cost to self. The model for this is Christ Himself
- Paul reminds those under authority that they have a master in heaven who observes their internal attitude and external performance (vv. 24–25)
Closer Look:
Verse 18: This short verse has seen much written on it and debated about it, especially over the past century and a half. I want the focus of this post and podcast to be about the verse itself and what we can get out of it. I am not here to discuss the issues surrounding complementarian, egalitarian, and complegalitarian. There are some great resources out that have studied the background and meaning of the word of “submitted” at the time of writing and its application in modern society, as well as how this works in a relationship (one resource is at bible.org here). I will provide what a couple of well-known authors say to give different perspectives, and then provide what I find on this particular verse. Again, I am not here to look at how this works in a relationship and what relationship (complementarian, egalitarian, and complegalitarian) is right. To the best of my ability, I just want to provide some basic meaning and context on this verse as well as the rest of this section.
First, others perspective:
Norman Geisler: “This command was not limited to Paul’s day, as is obvious from two reasons he gave elsewhere: (1) the order of Creation (man was created first, then woman; 1 Tim. 2:13); (2) the order within the Godhead (Christ submits to the Father; 1 Cor. 11:3). Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home. If he may be thought of as the “president,” she is the “vice-president.” Of course there are moral limits to this submission; it is only as is fitting in the Lord. Just as obedience to government is commanded (Rom. 13:1; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13) but only insofar as government takes its place under God (Ex. 1; Dan. 3; 6), even so a wife’s submission to her husband is only “in the Lord.” That is, she is not obligated to follow her husband’s leadership if it conflicts with specific scriptural commands.”[2] A couple of things that stand out to me in this quote. First, Geisler mentions the order of Creation and the order within the Godhead. Second, the phrase “as is fitting in the Lord” is very important because the goal for everyone is always to follow God and His Word.
Tony Evans: “I want to clarify right away that this command does not address a woman’s intrinsic worth as a person and a child of God. A wife is equal in value to her husband. Peter said the wife is a “fellow heir of the grace of life” (1Peter 3:7). A wife’s submission has to do with function, not value. Just as Jesus Christ is functionally subordinate to the Father, yet equal with the Father, so a wife is functionally subordinate to her husband, yet equal to him. It is “fitting in the Lord” that a wife should defer to her husband’s authority. The idea is that it is proper and becoming for a wife to conduct herself this way, because this is what God asks of her and what exalts Christ in her life and in the home. A wife who separates her relationship with her husband from her relationship with Christ will not relate to her husband properly. She will resist and rebel against his God-given authority, and thus separate herself from God’s hand on her life.”[3]
John Piper (This is from Eph 5:21-22, but wanted to provide based on the subject matter): “According to the divine pattern wives are to take their unique cue from the purpose of the church. As the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands. The church submits to Christ as her head the basic meaning of submission would be: recognize and honor the greater responsibility of your husband to supply your protection and sustenance; be disposed to yield to his authority in Christ and be inclined to follow his leadership. The reason I say that submission means a disposition to yield and an inclination to follow is that the little phrase “as to the Lord” in verse 22 limits the scope of submission. No wife should replace the authority of Christ with the authority of her husband. She cannot yield or follow her husband into sin. But even where a Christian wife may have to stand with Christ against the sinful will of her husband, she can still have a spirit of submission. She can show by her attitude and behavior that she does not like resisting his will and that she longs for him to forsake sin and lead in righteousness so that her disposition to honor him as head can again produce harmony. So in this mysterious parable of marriage the wife is to take her special cue from God’s purpose to the church in its relation to Christ.”[4]
Warren Wiersbe: “Headship is not dictatorship or lordship. It is loving leadership. In fact, both the husband and the wife must be submitted to the Lord and to each other (Eph. 5:21). It is a mutual respect under the lordship of Jesus Christ. True spiritual submission is the secret of growth and fulfillment. When a Christian woman is submitted to the Lord and to her own husband, she experiences a release and fulfillment that she can have in no other way. This mutual love and submission creates an atmosphere of growth in the home that enables both the husband and the wife to become all that God wants them to be.”[5]
In these quotes, it is important to note that it does not mean inferiority or not of equal value. So a couple of items here to note. The word “submission” (also translated as be subject; Strong’s 5293) has several definitions, including (1) to arrange under, to subordinate; (2) to subject, put in subjection; (3) to subject one’s self, obey; (4) to submit to one’s control; (5) to yield to one’s admonition or advice; (6) to obey, be subject. It is a Greek military term meaning “to arrange oneself under another” and indicates a voluntary submission, not an unthinking obedience.[6] In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.[7] Christ himself is the model for equality with God and submission to the one with whom He is equal (1 Cor. 11:3; 15:28; Phil. 2).
Verse 19: Husbands are responsible to love their wives (as Christ loved the church; Eph. 5:28–29). So they are to exercise loving leadership, not dictatorial dominion. The husband is to seek her highest good, not his own welfare. the husband has the responsibility of loving his wife; and the word for “love” used here is agape—the sacrificing, serving love that Christ shares with His church. A marriage may begin with normal, human, romantic love, but it must grow deeper into the spiritual agape love that comes only from God. In the parallel passage (Eph. 5:18ff), Paul made it clear that the husband must love his wife “even as Christ loved the church.” Jesus Christ gave His all for the church! He willingly died for us! The measure of a man’s love for his wife is not seen only in gifts or words, but in acts of sacrifice and concern for her happiness and welfare. He is to honor her and be considerate of her, and not be bitter or harsh. A husband assuming absolute authority will only embitter one’s wife, not endear her. The words “be harsh” translate pikrainesthe, which is more literally, “make bitter.”[8] A husband who truly loves his wife will not behave harshly or try to throw his weight around in the home.
Verse 20: Paul provides admonitions to children and fathers in verses 20-21. Children are to obey their parents in everything. The motive for obedience is to please the Lord. Disobedience to parents is designated in the Old Testament as a rebellion against God and was severely punished (Ex. 21:17; Lev. 20:9). Jesus set an example for children by obeying Joseph and His mother Mary (Luke 2:51). Obedience to parents “pleases the Lord.” This does not suggest that obeying one’s parents’ merits salvation for a child. Rather, obedience reflects God’s design for order in the home. As Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:1, “It is right” (dikaion, “just” or “proper”) for children to obey their parents. The “in everything” (also translated as “all things”) should not be taken as an absolute. When God’s truth and anyone’s demands come into conflict, a child should obey God.
Verse 21: Fathers (and mothers; cf. Prov. 1:8; 6:20)[9] should not presume on this obedience and embitter (erethizete, “provoke or irritate”) their children by continual agitation and unreasonable demands. Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not exasperate (parorgizete) your children” (Eph. 6:4). This will only make them become discouraged. Embitter means “to provoke or irritate.” The Christian father is not to overcorrect or harass his children, or they will become discouraged, which refers to “a listless, sullen resignation—a broken spirit.” Praise for well-doing rather than constant criticism will, along with loving discipline (cf. Heb. 12:7), help bring up children in “the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).[10] A father should be careful not to frustrate his children or discourage them. Regulations should be reasonable, not arbitrary. The father should train his children the same way God disciplines and teaches him.
Verses 22–25: Bondservants are exhorted to obey (the same word is directed to children in v. 20) their earthly masters. “Earthly” is literally “according to the flesh. This obedience is to be with “sincerity of heart,” not simply when their bosses are watching them or to win their favor. Also, bondservants are to work with reverence (fear) for the Lord. Working with an awareness of God’s character and presence enhances the dignity of the labor. In fact, whatever (cf. v. 17) bondservants (or employees) do should be with all their hearts [11] and for the Lord, not for humanity.
The section on slaves and masters may appear to be out of date and not applicable to modern society, but on second glance we see there are some important principles in this passage. The admonition to work hard as though one was working for God, and not people, applies to employees. It is also very convicting when we are struggling with our jobs and hate what we do or the environment we are in. All of us Christian employees today should serve our employers with genuine concern and as though we are serving God, and we will glorify God as our quality and productivity increases. It is the Lord Christ whom all Christians are serving.[12] The inheritance as your reward is a strong motivation to serve someone well by the future reward that Christ gives to those who are faithful in this service. God will judge without favoritism (cf. Rom. 2:9; Eph. 6:9), that is, in full justice, repaying wrongdoers and rewarding those who serve Him. We normally think we receive eternal rewards for spiritual practices like reading the Bible, prayer, or evangelism. Here Paul asserts that all work done to the honor of Christ will bring an eternal reward (1:22-23; 2:18).
In these verses (Col. 3:22–25) Paul made numerous points about the motives, attitudes, and conduct of Christian bondservants. Such instruction was remarkable in a master-slave society of that day.
[1] Earl D. Radmacher, Ronald B. Allen, H. Wayne House, eds., Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary (Nashville: Nelson, 1999), 1568.
[2] Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, eds. John F. Walvoord and Roy B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton: Victor Books, 1985), 683.
[3] From Who is this king of glory?: experiencing the fullness of Christ’s work in our lives
[4] from his sermon on Eph 5:21-22 – Marriage- a Matrix of Christian Hedonism (found at https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/marriage)
[5] Wiersbe, Warren W. The Bible Exposition Commentary. 2001.
[6] Similar, “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader.”
[7] ὑποτάσσω (hypotassō); for more see Strong’s 5293, BDAG, TDNT 8.39. Used 38 times in the New Testament and seems to be a favorite of Paul’s (Lk. 2:51; 10:17, 20; Ro 8:7, 20; 10:3; 13:1, 5; 1Co. 14:32, 34; 15:27, 28; 16:16; Ep 1:22; 5:21, 24; Php 3:21; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5, 9; 3:1; Heb 2:5, 8; 12:9; Jas 4:7; 1Pe 2:13, 18; 3:1, 5, 22; 5:5)
[8] A different word is used in Col. 3:21. Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, eds. John F. Walvoord and Roy B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton: Victor Books, 1985), 683.
[9] The word fathers in Colossians 3:21 could be translated “parents,” as it is in Hebrews 11:23.
[10] Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, eds. John F. Walvoord and Roy B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton: Victor Books, 1985), 684.
[11] καρδία (kardia). Literally, “out of the soul,” i.e., genuine and from within, not merely by outward pretense. DBL – “inner self, never the literal body part called the “heart,” this is a reference to the areas of the inner self, including: the volition, the mind, the desires, etc., though the facility of the intellect may be slightly more emphasized (Mt 15:19; Lk 6:45)”
[12] This is the only place in the NT where the term “the Lord Christ” is used.